Author: Rachelkazzimblog

Would you date yourself? As you are?

Sometimes you have to call your own bull!

Own up to your shitty decisions!

Own up to your crap!

Admit that you are shitty sometimes!

Someone asked me today, would you date yourself? As you are?

Without much thought, I said “yes”.

But in hindsight,

Maybe I would like to be more decisive,

Maybe I would like to have more money,

Maybe I would like to be more patient,

Maybe I would like to be more inspired,

Maybe I would like to be more tolerant….

Whew!

I wonder how Mr Blue Eyes keeps up with my crap…….

rachel

“It’s not just, there’s many of us”

Exorcism of her demons, he shouted; “there’s many,it’s not just me, there’s many of us here!”

He was talking about;

Greed,

Anxiety,

Insufficient,

Lack,

Restlessness,

Depression,

Fear,

All familiar friends that won’t let her rest…

What was she to do?

When from a young age,

She learnt what it means to not be enough,

What it means to not belong?,

What it means not to be wanted?,

What it means to not be smart?

Truth is,

The demons have been lying all along,

The universe had very much wanted her,

There are pieces of the sun in her smile,

Her eyes contain all the colors of the rainbow,

Her skin and the sky are host of the stars,

Her heart is the nucleus of the universe..

She has always been the universe coming alive!

And as the universe, there is many in her!

She houses so many!

Good and bad,

Just like the universe

At that moment, she asked;

“Don’t leave yet, please stay. What do you want to teach me?”

rachel

Drowning

I am drowning,

Please don’t help me!

As the storm engulfs me,

Don’t help me!

This maze is mine to walk.

This wave is mine too ride,

Just be here,

Please don’t help!

As choices push me further and further into the corner,

As roads become narrower and dangerous,

As the hole keeps on swallowing me,

Just observe,

Don’t help me!

If truly one can never outrun Gods love and purpose, let him show it!

Only he can show me!

Only he can help me!

The one who knows his plans for me!

His great plans!

You just watch,

Please don’t help!

You wouldn’t even know where to start!

Observe the unfolding of his master plan,

Pharaoh or Moses,

It’s all his great plan.!

As I be still

rachel

Autumn Mornings

The beautiful trees were willingly shedding their clothing, to be nude in the cold.

This was deliberate and necessary for the test,

A test on patience,

A test on surrender,

A test on strength,

A test on acceptable,

A test on trust,

A test on living…../

The trees undressed knowing the one responsible for living and death has got them. They know no matter how battered they are by the cold, it’s alright; they will either live or die. Whatever the outcome, the soul of the world knows it was there.

It was shade, it was oxygen, it was beauty, it was a landmark and most of all, it was the universe coming to life!

rachel

The smoking monk with no filter….

This weekend I went to a meditation retreat where I met a very interesting monk. He is fat, he smokes and the arrogance!!! Of course I could hear myself judge “if he can’t control himself, what can he teach me?” I thought a monk was someone pure, someone who can control his ego and all other nice things..

As it turns out, I was wrong! Him being himself allowed me to be myself, imperfect learner. I learnt to open myself to my own imperfections and not to judge myself. I do after all possess bad and good qualities which make up who I am.

My first meditation was a disaster because I was still stuck on my judgments but as the day went by I realized I just had to be! Isn’t that what I do everyday anyway? Just be! Be open, open my heart, mind and soul. Then the learning began, I learnt about my totem, my spirit guides and chakras. Learning doesn’t mean I am there, it just means I am in the process of learning. I learnt about acceptance, and making small changes to influence the person I intend to be.

rachel

Conversations with the mind

What do you do when you mind won’t be still?

Telling your heart to race at 1000km/hr,

Telling your pores to release all the fluids you have taken,

Telling your hands to dance to the speed of sound,

What happens when stillness eludes you?

You surrender!

No labels!

No resisting!

Just surrender

rachel