Dear ex lover
You were never a lover, but for this poem you are.
Get up and go!
This body isn’t your church for you to cum and worship,
This body isn’t your chapel to cum and ask for forgiveness and speak in tongues, only to get out and sin again!
You can’t cum with your demons in this house, leave them in the street!
This is a holy place!
It is a temple!
Get up and go
30 before 30
I think judging comes from assuming “otherness”
I’ve recently noticed this with myself,
Suddenly I am better than,
Because I sat with my demons
When I see the old “other”
I had judged and stayed kept a distance,
Maintain the “other”
The truth is,
I am no angel
I am flawed
I am human
I am still learning
I am still healing
Even from the “otherness”
This is 28 before 30.
A house filled with so many memories. Some of my favorite childhood memories were in this house. Like my first boyfriend.
My boyfriend would visit me daily around 11, just to say hi. He didn’t care that I had not bathed yet, he just wanted to see me. At 2 he would come again, just to see me and we would take a walk and kiss, I used to live for his kisses! At 7 in the evening, he would be back again, to kiss me again. It was behind this house when I almost bit his tongue, it our first kiss after all, on June 20th 2003, I was 15. I loved him so much! I loved him with my whole being, ain’t it funny that I hadn’t really met myself nor fully loved myself?
He was waiting for me. I was going to give myself to him when I turned 21, so he only had to wait 6 years. I mean what is 6 years between true lovers? It broke my heart then when one day I discovered he had impregnated someone else……… I thought he was the one! I thought I could never get over the hurt! But I did…
He taught me to kiss, he taught me to love and he taught me not to trust. What is love without trust??
In 29 days I will be turning 30, so I decided to write something daily for my upcoming birthday. So this is one of them.
Just because I answer to female,
It don’t mean I must behave the way they taught you females behave
Just because I answer to Engineer,
It don’t mean I have to be the Engineer they taught you about
Just because I am black,
It don’t mean I am the black they told you about
Just because I am me,
Expect me to behave like me!
Expect me to be the female I am
Expect me to be the Engineer I know how to be!
Expect me to be the black I am!
Just because I am me,
Expect me to evolve!
Expect me to define and redefine who I am!
Allow me to introduce and reintroduce myself over and over as I find myself!
I am after all in the cycle and change is encouraged…. they say it’s the only constant!
Once upon a time….
There was a human,
He decided to become a being.
His soul returned,
His compassion returned,
His selflessness returned
He was awakened,
He became a human being!
And he lived happily ever in the present!
Legend has it,
There is more than one sun…
There’s infinite number of suns!
I was late for work this morning but I had to stop and take this shot! I have become a bit obsessed with the sun, I just love it. I think it’s largely to do with my current evolution. I feel like I am exiting a phase, as if everything I have learnt and versions I have been were leading me here. Similar to the sunrise as it bids farewell to the moon… Odd,,, ever had a similar feeling?
I have hated you for so long
I remember the day I realized you weren’t conventionally beautiful
Barefoot swimming in the ocean with others,
Your length, shape and color was different
Something to be laughed at
Something to be hidden
Isn’t it funny how much ground we have covered
Isn’t it ironic how you have always been there for me
Even when I hated you, you loved me
Always there for me
You have grown in me
Acceptance became love
So dear feet,
I love you
That’s why I love you,
You are just mine!!
Allow yourself to outgrow old versions of yourself
It’s ok to change who you are as many times as your will allows,
Stop apologizing for who you are
Stop apologizing for evolving at a faster pace, than they can put up with
Stop apologizing for your growth
Stop apologizing for your change.
In a place
Of no otherness
In the sweet sounds of the doves
In the whisper of the wind
In the breaking of the leaves
The vast sky
Doubt is here
Faith is here
God is here
All is well
Shall be well
The thing you are most afraid to feel is the place of your greatest peace. I used to be afraid of being hurt.
Ever since I’ve experienced heartbreak and hurt, my heart shut down! I became a bully and will always hurt people before they hurt me. Every time I opened up my heart, I would get hurt. Why? Because subconsciously I was looking for in men and women that could never give me peace. Why? Because I didn’t have it within me to begin with. You cannot receive what you don’t know or can’t visualize. Even if it’s right in front of you, you will have no idea how to receive it.
So sit and be with your fears. They are a guide to who you are. You may not like what you discover about yourself but awareness is the breakthrough. The cards on top of the table cannot be invisible, so is awareness.
Am I there? Nope, but at least I am aware.