Love cravings
I am craving a sweet love
Silly, stupid, no safety net love
Foolish love
No worries about the future love
Summer love
Coldplay/billie kinda love
I am craving a connection
Uncomplicated
Simple
Beautiful
Silly
Honest
Free
I want all of this and more…
Rachel
If this is incoherent, it’s because the kind of love I am craving is. It’s stupid and beautiful love in its raw form!!!
Rachel
God can be found anywhere you are
He is after all, everywhere we are
Today I found him in a concert, healing my broken heart. I didn’t even know my heart was broken. I found him, mending my heart and smiling at me….
He told all will be well…. I wept a little because I knew he touched me.
Isn’t it odd that God touches us at times we didn’t even know we needed him. He comes at the right time!!
Rachel
What do you do when you get back together with the love of your life? You hold the resentment, all their wrongs are remembered and the anger stews in your heart. You want to love him, you want to forgive him and get back to the original love you once had. You enjoy the same activities but that old euphoria is gone, you are just going with the motions. Truth is you don’t like him very much…
He looks like your old lover, smells like him but not quite him. The love-making suddenly feels like a non-consensual encounter. Your body rejects him, his kisses feel like being licked by a cat. His touch feels like being scratched by nails. The things that once made you fall in love him, just don’t feel right anymore! The judgement, the constant proving your worth, the not knowing when this love bombing will end, all of it annoys you.
What do you do then? Your mother and grandmother think he is the best thing after sliced bread. You don’t want to disappoint them, not giving them grandkids is enough disappointment! So what do you do then? You call your concubine and have a weekend rendezvous! You taste his sweet kisses and caresses, drink wine and pretend just for this weekend that you are not grown. You don’t have to be responsible! You don’t have to think about your mom and your grandma! You don’t have to live up to society’s expectations!Just you and your short lover! If only fantasies were real!!! For now though, let me get back to my cat kisses, ouch! There’s the touching….
Rachel Kazzim
Sometimes you have to call your own bull!
Own up to your shitty decisions!
Own up to your crap!
Admit that you are shitty sometimes!
Someone asked me today, would you date yourself? As you are?
Without much thought, I said “yes”.
But in hindsight,
Maybe I would like to be more decisive,
Maybe I would like to have more money,
Maybe I would like to be more patient,
Maybe I would like to be more inspired,
Maybe I would like to be more tolerant….
Whew!
I wonder how Mr Blue Eyes keeps up with my crap…….
rachel
Exorcism of her demons, he shouted; “there’s many,it’s not just me, there’s many of us here!”
He was talking about;
Greed,
Anxiety,
Insufficient,
Lack,
Restlessness,
Depression,
Fear,
All familiar friends that won’t let her rest…
What was she to do?
When from a young age,
She learnt what it means to not be enough,
What it means to not belong?,
What it means not to be wanted?,
What it means to not be smart?
Truth is,
The demons have been lying all along,
The universe had very much wanted her,
There are pieces of the sun in her smile,
Her eyes contain all the colors of the rainbow,
Her skin and the sky are host of the stars,
Her heart is the nucleus of the universe..
She has always been the universe coming alive!
And as the universe, there is many in her!
She houses so many!
Good and bad,
Just like the universe
At that moment, she asked;
“Don’t leave yet, please stay. What do you want to teach me?”
rachel
I am drowning,
Please don’t help me!
As the storm engulfs me,
Don’t help me!
This maze is mine to walk.
This wave is mine too ride,
Just be here,
Please don’t help!
As choices push me further and further into the corner,
As roads become narrower and dangerous,
As the hole keeps on swallowing me,
Just observe,
Don’t help me!
If truly one can never outrun Gods love and purpose, let him show it!
Only he can show me!
Only he can help me!
The one who knows his plans for me!
His great plans!
You just watch,
Please don’t help!
You wouldn’t even know where to start!
Observe the unfolding of his master plan,
Pharaoh or Moses,
It’s all his great plan.!
As I be still
rachel
Relax,
The universe has got you!
rachel
I tend to miss him like I my fragrances….
Sweet and soft
All over my body!
Sweet and
Knowing I will bath and you will be a distant memory
rachel
What do you call a relationship with a man with 9 children and 6 wives you know nothing about? You fall pregnant with your first born who unbeknownst to you is baby number 10, you are in a test while he decides whether you are worth the dowry….. all of this you don’t know. You believe all he tells you, ‘I will marry you, I love you and it’s just you and me’.
What happens to you when you realize he lied? What about the dream he sold you? Are you to blame? Do you continue the relationship??
This is a story of one of my step mothers, one of many. All of them have their own sob stories about my father, the polygamist. He was not an honest man when it came to his women, a lot of them were trapped by the lies to stay in the relationships. They stayed and I swore that will never be me!
Surely I am clever and not as stupid and dumb as them….. if only! The sins Of the father fall on the children, only if they are not cleansed and hidden. My father will always be my hero but I also know he was not a superhuman. He was after all just a man burdened with expectations and living a life taught to him by his parents.
I therefore choose to shine the light on the lies, all of them.
rachel
If buildings and streets could speak…
They would tell happy stories;
Story about the mother who works that corner to feed her children,
Story of the the family of 8 that stays in that 1 bedroom flat on the second floor,
Story of the lad who washes cars to afford drinks for his girlfriend later,
Story of the slay queen who comes here just to sleep and get dressed for wherever the party takes her tonight,
Story of the boy who steals the neighbor’s WiFi so they can pleasure themselves with pornhub and their hand,
Story of the young girl who endures the night snake from her uncle to afford school fees,
All stories are happy,
Maybe not the act,
But the hope of happiness is what makes the story worth it.
rachel
P.S: I took this photo in Nairobi, Kenya in 2015, it was my first solo trip and I too was looking for a happy story! That building and the street gave me a bit of that happiness.
The stories I am too ashamed to tell 