women

Mourning lost friendships

It’s ok to let the greatest love of your life go,

It’s normal to grow apart,

It’s ok to want different things out of life,

It’s ok to let them go.

I am letting you go,

I am not bitter,

I don’t hate you,

I was hurt,

But not anymore!

I wish you well!!

This is the hardest break up,

But it’s necessary,

Goodbye lover.!

rachel

My Momma’s Dreams…. Deferred

My momma wanted no child at 23!

My momma had waited for the man who would marry her,

Then my dad came!

All gorgeous and sweet-tongued,

She forgot all her dreams!

And in the depths of the night, I entered her,

No matter what method she tried, I refused to die!

I refused to leave her womb!

Determined to share my gifts with the world,

I stayed!!!

First dream, deferred!!!

I should have been a doctor, her lifelong dream!

I had the brains for it, but not the gall for it!

I can’t stand the smell nor sight of blood!

So I became what I am, me!

Dream 2, deferred!!!

I should have been married at 23, like she wanted.

But I don’t understand marriage, I don’t do things I don’t understand.

I should have had kids by now,

But I just don’t have the desire to have kids, I don’t want any kids.

I should have introduced my boyfriend to her by now, but I cannot stand the judgement,

I know he will come up short! He is not “Christian” enough, he is divorced, he is not loving enough, the Holy Spirit doesn’t allow her to like him, he is wrong for me, I deserve better!

I chose him so he is good enough for me and I love him! That’s all that matters, at least to me.

Dreams deferred!!!

I am my mother’s deferred dreams.

And I am ok with that.

I know before I am a daughter, I am mine! Just mine! The rest comes after!

I am me!

I am not sorry for being a dream deferred!

Dreams deferred, yet again!!!

rachel

International Women’s Day

Soft

Strong

Beautiful

Complete

Enough

Believe in your strength

Your softness is your strength

Your emotions are your strengths

There is no need to prove anything to anyone,

You are complete

You are enough

You are your own hero

This story is yours

rachel

This is for all the women I’ve had the pleasure of meeting. I am so proud of you! Happy international women’s day!

As long as the food is offered, I will eat

You say you love me

I love you too

You say you will never hurt me

Neither will I

You say you are mine

I will take that

You show me you love me

I will take that

Loving someone doesn’t mean they love you back or will love you the way you want to be shown love. Some people will stay and eat at the table as long as food is offered, not because they intend to stay. It’s the responsibility of the cook to determine the intentions of the diner and decide whether to serve them or not. One wouldn’t want to serve a roast lamb to a vegetarian, that would be a waste wouldn’t it?

I have found this to be true in relationships. So I have decided to be celibate . I will dine alone for a while, explore my tastes and enjoy my own food. It’s tempting to invite others to stay but I’ve found some diners have no intentions of staying for the conversations and helping with dishes or a glass of wine. As long the food is offered they will eat it. Since I want to share my food not just a taster, I will be celibate.

rachel

“If he loves you he will make time for you and treat you like a queen”

I am a woman and I find the above very romantic and somehow annoying. He is just going to quit his job and hobbies and make sure he calls you all the time and spend the whole day obsessing about you and your punani? Come on, this isn’t Fifty Shades of Grey (with that bored billionaire, Christian).

I am saying this because I hear a lot of women quote the above in an attempt to get a guy to “be available”. So no friends, no social life, just tend to her needs. What are the responsibilities of the woman in this transaction? Is it fair for the guy to expect a home cooked meal daily? Is it alright for him to expect the woman to leave her friends and tend to his needs? Feminists, rise up!!!!

The truth is if a person in love with another they will make time for them but not constantly. Life isn’t constant, we have off days and happy days. I learnt from the doofus I am with that relationships are also similar. We ride the “high, love you forever” waves and hope it sustains us in the valleys of “ why do you chew with your mouth open? Why is your nose so big? You are so ugly!” I mean I have those days and so does he but that doesn’t mean we are not in love with each other, sometimes it just means you want to be left alone! Sometimes it means, I want him to wash my feet and grovel, because I mean let’s face it, I am a queen!

I think it all comes from the point of “Maktub “. It’s all written! I am not about to force the hand of God trying to convince him I am catch! I know this, if he doesn’t: why is he in my life?

Maybe I am simplifying something that cannot be simplified, I don’t know. Anyway, that’s my opinion!

rachel

What to tell your daughter when she tells you she was molested 

1. Show me where it hurts. Take her to the police station, the hospital, report it!
2. I believe you!

3. I love you

4. It wasn’t your fault! It wasn’t your fault!

5. I am sorry. I am sorry I failed you as a parent. I am sorry I brought you here in the land of predators and didn’t protect you from them. 

6. I am sorry I wasn’t with you, I should have been there. 

7. I am sorry he took your innocence. 

8. I believe you

9. Wash her clean!

10. Allow her to weep! Weep with her if you must

11. It’s ok to not know what to do next but don’t tell her shit like God knows why and all that fucked up nonsense. Don’t tell her to forgive and forget! Don’t tell her God is preparing her for some great miracle shit!!! If you don’t know what to say shut the fuck up!

12. Don’t tell her to hide it because “what will people say”

13. Don’t tell her to find strength in God, where the fuck was the bastard when she was raped? 

14. Don’t tell her to forget about it! Because if she could forget about it, she wouldn’t be dreaming about it over and over! All the men she has slept with would not have taken the bastard’s face! She wouldn’t be so hard to love! She would be believing of people and trusting! Don’t say that shit!

15. If you don’t know what to say, shut the fuck up and just be there for her! 

16. Don’t ever call her words like bitch! No matter what she has done!

17. Be gentle with her

18. Show her love 

19. I believe you!

20. I love you! I am here for you! I may not have all the answers but I am here for you!

It seems rapists in general can smell a rape victim, like how once you have been bitten by a dog other dogs can smell it somehow and want to bite you again. Warn her about this. Other motherfuckers will try her others maybe become successful. Arm her! Let her carry a gun, a knife or whatever to protect herself. Let this not harden her though. Teach her to forgive, at her pace! Help her heal her wounds at her pace! Allow her to be angry but teach her about forgiveness too. To forgive herself mostly because she will carry that guilt for a long time. 

Most important Forgive yourself too 

Note to self: one day share this with mom, not today; but one day.

rachel