God is everywhere

God can be found anywhere you are

He is after all, everywhere we are

Today I found him in a concert, healing my broken heart. I didn’t even know my heart was broken. I found him, mending my heart and smiling at me….

He told all will be well…. I wept a little because I knew he touched me.

Isn’t it odd that God touches us at times we didn’t even know we needed him. He comes at the right time!!

Rachel

Drowning

I am drowning,

Please don’t help me!

As the storm engulfs me,

Don’t help me!

This maze is mine to walk.

This wave is mine too ride,

Just be here,

Please don’t help!

As choices push me further and further into the corner,

As roads become narrower and dangerous,

As the hole keeps on swallowing me,

Just observe,

Don’t help me!

If truly one can never outrun Gods love and purpose, let him show it!

Only he can show me!

Only he can help me!

The one who knows his plans for me!

His great plans!

You just watch,

Please don’t help!

You wouldn’t even know where to start!

Observe the unfolding of his master plan,

Pharaoh or Moses,

It’s all his great plan.!

As I be still

rachel

Stories of happiness

If buildings and streets could speak…

They would tell happy stories;

Story about the mother who works that corner to feed her children,

Story of the the family of 8 that stays in that 1 bedroom flat on the second floor,

Story of the lad who washes cars to afford drinks for his girlfriend later,

Story of the slay queen who comes here just to sleep and get dressed for wherever the party takes her tonight,

Story of the boy who steals the neighbor’s WiFi so they can pleasure themselves with pornhub and their hand,

Story of the young girl who endures the night snake from her uncle to afford school fees,

All stories are happy,

Maybe not the act,

But the hope of happiness is what makes the story worth it.

rachel

P.S: I took this photo in Nairobi, Kenya in 2015, it was my first solo trip and I too was looking for a happy story! That building and the street gave me a bit of that happiness.

Dear Anxiety, my old friend

It has been a while,

But like the rain, I knew you would come…

So let’s talk…

What’s troubling you?

You are uncertain, uncomfortable and not in control…

That’s normal.

If you could do anything different , what would you do?

Be in control!

That’s nice but I can’t offer you that.

What can you offer?

I can offer compassion and acknowledgment,

I can sit with you, like tonight.

I cannot offer you my whole life though,

You can steal small parts of it though,

Very small parts,

You can visit, briefly.

I promise to ease your discomfort, I will let you go!!

Breath by breath….

In…..

Out….

In…

Out…

Till we meet again old friend……

rachel

Breathe and Let Go

Sometimes you will be the perfect friend

Perfect lover

Perfect companion

His peace of mind

All you know love to be.

It still won’t matter when the love was never there to begin with.

It won’t matter when your definition of love is not the same, forever might mean a day..

It won’t matter when you not in his future plans.

Understand this.

Accept this.

Don’t try change him.

Take yourself into your corner,

Cry if you must,

And gently remove yourself from it!

Why stay if there are no ingredients to serve your meal?

Breathe and let go

rachel

Gentle Reminders: Surrender

It’s ok to hold on,

To persevere,

To hope it doesn’t end.

When you are tired though,

Surrender!

Surrender!

There’s a power higher than us,

He knows what he is doing!

Trust his timing,

Trust the flow,

All your needs will be provided for!!!

You are right where you should be!

You belong here!

Surrender!

Surrender!

Rachel

Gentle Reminders, you are home here

You are beautiful

You are in the flow

You are enough

You belong here

You belong here!

You are at home here!

You are right where you should be

You are love

You are a trillion atoms cheering you on!

You are a thousand valves closing and opening at the precise moment, to keep you here!

The universe wants you here!

You are a thousand sunrises and moon!

You are home here!

You belong here!

rachel

PS: I got that from my lover, I am totes in love. I have learnt though that it’s so easy to get lost in love or in another person and expect them to give you what you can’t give yourself. That’s the quickest way to destroy your relationship! You can’t offer what you cannot give yourself!

Belonging starts with belonging to yourself!

Ghost stories

This shrub is right next to my bedroom window, I think it has snakes and rats or whatever. It’s not surprising then that sometimes at night I will be awakened by a loud thud or a scratchy sound on my ceiling as if something was sharing my bedroom with me. It used to bother me quite a lot, I would wake up in the middle of night and suffer terrible insomnia! It wasn’t until one day I remembered a story my step mother once told me.

There used to be these loud thuds on our ceiling back home, I must have been 8 at the time. The loudest ones would wake me up and I will run to my dad’s room. My dad would tell me it’s the birds and let me sleep in their room only to wake up in my bed🙄. Then one day we were all gone except my stepmom, she was left alone in the house.

When we came back I wanted to find out how she slept alone, wasn’t she scared of the ghosts on the roof? “There were noises as usual and it freaked me out a bit, but I decided I am going to work tomorrow and I need my sleep”, she answered. “I spoke to the ghosts and told them, we are both here! We both want to sleep so we might as well let each other sleep because nobody is leaving this house tonight, and I went to bed”

That story was never profound or that meaningful at the time. I just thought she is lying, she probably didn’t sleep all night, waiting for sunrise. Thinking about it and the shrub next to my room, I know now she wasn’t lying! Like all the discomforts we go through, we can choose to let them discomfort and frustrate us or we can just learn to live with them. Living with them means setting boundaries and defining quiet and noise times. It means acknowledging that they are there, but you have more important things to do than to tend to them!

rachel